Another Fake Interview


Me: Hey, Lifehouse! I'm your biggest fan!
Jason: I know!
Bryce: Really? I thought you were out to get us.
Me: Well, nevermind that. I'm here to do an interview, so let's get started.
Jason: Hold on, Sylvia. Remember the last time we got together for an interview?
Me: Look, I swear it'll be different this time! After all, Ben is here.
Ben: G'day, mates.
Rick: Oh, I didn't even see you back there!
Ben: I tend to blend in.
Me: All right, guys, I have some questions for you to answer. Are you ready?
Jason: Bring it on!
Me: Okay. Let's start with the boring questions. So, what can you tell your fans about the new album?
Jason: Oh, it's coming along quite nicely, actually.
Me: Any specifics?
Jason: Nope.
Me: I thought so. Okay, enough about the new album. Let's talk about your fans. Who's your favorite fan?
Bryce: Well, that's a loaded question.
Rick: I don't think that question is fair.
Ben: You are, of course. Even though you've never talked to me before.
Jason: I love all my fans equally.
Me: Good answers. Now, what's the most embarrassing thing a fan has ever said to you?
Jason: Oh, wow.
Rick: (at Jason) Why are you looking at me?
Jason: I can't think of anything that I can say on here.
Bryce: I think you just said it, Sylvia, with your question.
Ben: That's an embarrassing question.
Me: No, it's not!
Jason: Look, we can't talk about it, okay? There was this one incident, but we can't even tell you what happened, because we want to protect the person in-
Bryce, Rick & Ben: (cracking up)
Bryce: It was so funny! You should have seen the look on your face, Jason!
Rick: And then Bryce was like, "You mean the ones he's wearing now?!"
Jason: I said we're not talking about it!
Me: Sorry, guys. Let's move on. Next question: What would be your ultimate venue?
Jason: Ooo, I don't know. I like the small, intimate ones.
Bryce: I like the ones at games with all the fireworks going off.
Rick: How about in a bubble at the bottom of the sea, like on Spongebob?
Me: You watch that show?
Rick: No.
Jason: Actually, that would be kind of cool.
Ben: Especially with the fireworks.
Me: Okay, so do you guys ever have any interesting dreams about concerts?
Bryce: Oh, yeah. I always have dreams that I'm up on stage and I'm in my underwear.
Jason: Yeah, me, too, except... well, nevermind.
Bryce: Jason doesn't wear underwear.
Jason: Thanks, Bryce.
Rick: I keep having dreams where I'm drumming, and suddenly I notice that I have all this hair, and I'm like, where did that come from?
Ben: One time I dreamed that we had to play in front of a club full of hamsters. And they hated us.
Jason: I once had a dream where the Goo Goo Dolls came out at the end of our performance, and they all dressed up as chickens and apes, and they came and like - it was the weirdest thing - we were doing First Time and they came and picked me up and started shaking Bryce and did all sorts of weird things.
Ben: Jason, that wasn't a dream.
Jason: No way! That really happened?
Me: Yeah, I saw the video.
Jason: Well, I thought it was a pretty weird dream, but... now I'm just confused.
Bryce: Maybe you're dreaming now.
Jason: Yeah, I...
Me: So, if there were a movie about you, what would happen in it?
Bryce: Do we play ourselves?
Me: Yes.
Rick: What difference does that make?
Bryce: Well, if we get to be IN the movie, then I'd want to do some cool stuff in it.
Jason: We could be super-heroes.
Rick: Hey, yeah. That would add an interesting twist.
Me: You mean like super-Lifehouse fights deathhouse? Bryce: Exactly. But I want to be able to fly.
Jason: I want to be able to fly.
Bryce: We can both fly.
Jason: That's boring.
Ben: Can I fly too?
Rick: Guys, we can all fly!
Jason: You guys are all copying my powers! We can't all have the same powers!
Ben: Why not?
Jason: 'Cause it would be boring.
Bryce: All the Kryptonians have the same powers.
Jason: Fine. We can all have the same powers.
Rick: Can I be a vampire?
Bryce: A vampire that flies?
Ben: No, a vampire WITH flies.
Rick: I changed my mind. Vampires are so unsanitary.
Jason: This movie is starting to sound awesome. When can we start?
Rick: Forget the new album. Let's do this.
Bryce: All right!
Me: Can I get the first copy?
Jason: Sure.
Me: Oh, good! I'm so excited!
Jason: We'd better get started. See you later, Sylvia.
Me: Thanks for the interview.




Special thanks to Lifehouse for their inspiration and support.
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