Whatever It Takes: The Interviewer's Log


June 20, 2010:
9:30 PM:

Yes, I am the cartoonist, as Bryce once called me. My mission now is interview Lifehouse for a 3rd time. (I know, a little excessive, right? Well, I'm determined.) Jason might be a little shaky after the hair incident, but I think I won him over again. I just have to make sure Anna doesn't do anything weird this time. By the way, I'm hiding in the dumpster behind the Sun National Bank Center in Trenton, NJ. I'm waiting for Lifehouse to come out of the building so I can talk to them to schedule the interview.

9:31 PM:

I got out of the dumpster. No reason to be in there, I realized.

11:30 PM:

So the scheduling didn't go so well.

Me: Hey, Lifehouse, I'd like to interview you again.
Jason: Um, are you sure that would be a good idea? Remember what happened the last 2 times?
Me: Oh, yeah. This time it'll be different, I promise!
Jason: We have to go, we've got a press thing in the morning.
Me: Okay, I'll call you guys!
Jason: Bye! Take a shower.

Well, I came up with a new plan. You know how those interviewers always ask the same questions? Well, I'm sure Lifehouse is tired of answering the same questions again and again, and I happen to know that they'll be in the PST studio tomorrow morning for an interview. All I have to do is pretend that I'm supposed to be the one doing the interview! I'm sure they'll be happy to have some more interesting questions.

June 21, 2010:
9:30 AM:

Things aren't going so well. I meant to be at the studio half an hour ago, but I got stuck in traffic! There's some accident on the highway, and no escape. They'll be starting the interview any minute, and I'm not there yet! I'll have to come up with a back-up plan.

12:14 PM:

Well, it didn't go TOO badly, I guess. Here's what happened: I was almost at the studio, and I heard the beginning of the interview on the radio:

Interviewer: So, here we have Jason and Rick with us.
Jason: Yeah, it's great to be here.
Rick: Yeah, this place rocks.
Interviewer: So what can you tell us about the new album, Smoke & Mirrors?
Jason: Well, to be honest, we started out by making a sort of a rock album, and when we thought we were almost finished, we realized -

That's when I turned off the car and rushed into the studio. I told the security people I was Bryce Soderberg, and they let me in. That was easy enough. I could hear the interview over the little speakers in the lobby.
Interviewer: So, tell us about Halfway Gone.
Rick: Well, we were almost done the album. We had our rock songs covered, we had our pop songs covered, and we wanted--

There was no time for making new plans. I had to act fast. It was a huge building, and I had to find PST's studio. Well, after a few minutes I found it. I peeked in the window and saw Jason, Rick, and the woman who works there. Jason was talking.

Jason: Actually, our fans are pretty level-headed, you know. They don't cross lines.

I burst into the room.

Me: Sorry I'm late! Did I miss anything?
Jason: Hey, what's S-
Me: Hi, I'm Bryce!

I grabbed the woman's hand to shake it. She looked pretty shocked, and looked at me really confused.

Me: Um, we need to have a private conversation about something. Can you leave us alone for a minute?

I gestured toward the closet door.

Interviewer: You know we're on the air right now, right?
Me: oh, yeah, yeah - we'll only be a minute.

I practically shoved her into the closet and locked the door.

Jason: Hey, wait a minute! What are you doing?
Me: Don't worry - she'll be fine. Now then, I have some qu-
Interviewer: Hey. Hey! This door is locked! This is the closet!
Me: Shhh! Just a second! Okay, guys, I need to ask you some questions.
Jason: Sorry, wha- uh...
Rick: How did you get past security?
Me: I told them I was Bryce! Pretty clever, huh?
Interviewer: Let me out! Someone call security!
Me: Jason, wait! Guys, come on! I've been planning this for ages!

Just then some security guards showed up.

Guard: Is Bryce causing trouble?
Rick: This isn't Bryce! It's one of our fans!
Guard: You lied to me?
Me: I can explain! I was just trying to save Lifehouse from the tedium of having to answer the same questions over and over again!
Jason: I appreciate the thought.

The guards started pulling me away.

Me: WAIT! Wait! I love you guys! NOOOOO! I'm not finished!
Interviewer: Well, that was unexpected.
Jason: Are you okay?
Interviewer: Yeah. Now what was it you were saying about your fans?
Jason: Oh, um... nothing.




Special thanks to Lifehouse for their inspiration and support.
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